Friday afternoon I spent a lovely 4 hours having coffee and catching up with Thom, which was awesome! Then I was stuck on the eastside waiting for traffic so I decided to see if Jud wanted to get dinner after work. I went to pick him up and when he got in the car he said "wanna go to virginia"...I said "sure!" So, we went back to jud's, he booked us tickets, we flew out to DC that night and spent a whirlwind 24 hours there and flew home yesterday. Jud was going out there for an irc GT for a channel he's been in for many years, and they have a big annual multiple day party on the east coast. It was good times, met lots of new random people, listened to lots of funny stories about people i didn't know, and witnessed my first games of beer pong. apparently I'm dumb and unhip for not knowing how to play beer pong, but somehow I managed to become 25 without going to a lot of keggers where threw dirty balls in cups of beer to get intoxicated...my bad! :P anywho, it was a very fun and spontaneous weekend that will not be soon forgotten.

Not a whole lot to say, but....the Puyallup Fair has been DONE! (for at least another 5 years i think). Saw The 11th Hour last night, not to be confused with 11th hour :P Anyway, the first half of it was so upsetting I almost had to leave, but I'm glad I stayed, it made me think. Not sure WHAT it made me think...but thinking is usually good regardless. If you don't know what it is, it's a global environmental activism movie produced and narrated by Leonardo DiCaprio, and there was definitely some interesting information that I did not otherwise know within. WARNING: there is an unavoidable clip of a man clubbing a baby seal...now, that's something that I have always heard joked about, but it was very upsetting to see, and i could definitely gone the whole movie without seeing it. so, if that is going to upset you or piss you off, you've been warned.

The past week has been a tired blur. I hung out with Rob, he mowed the lawn at my old house in Kirkland and at Keith's house too. He helped me arrange my furniture and clean my apartment, he cleaned out my car and hung my shower curtain. It's very nice having a few of those things done. Then I picked Jud up at the train station on Saturday and we went to target and got him some stuff to live with at his new apartment, since he moved to Seattle with a suitcase and an air mattress! lol

We got some food, and watched Family Guy, love it. and then Sunday I had to move stuff out of the house in Kirkland, which I should have done long ago. Jenn came over and her and Jud kept me company and helped me get some stuff moved, which I was able to put in storage thanks to Jenn, so I can figure out where I'm gunna put all this shite. I was SO tired yesterday I was delirious by like 5pm. We met up with Jason and Webster and had dinner at Bamboo Garden which was great. I was whacked out of my brain and acting like a retard, and I was with Jenn, which only added to the insanity! We sat on the ground in the parking lot for a while and then I got a couple rounds of hugsex from Webster before dropping him off. On our way home we were struck by a need to go to Castle, and shop. So we did, and then Jenn dropped Jud and I off at my house and I drove Jud back out to his apartment alll the way in the silly suburbs! :P Anywho...today I have to move the rest of the stuff out of the house in Kirkland and go to the dump. wheeee.

word of the week: whore.

that is all.

So today was a much needed day of pampering. Jenn and I went and got our hairs cut and both really enjoyed our "stylists" lol. Best part of getting a haircut, scalp massage! Jenn got her hair colored, then we went on to get pedicures/manicures which included some more AMAZING massages. Then we went and got dinner at Bamboo Garden, which I was terrified of, but now I declare it delicious! Then we went and met Jason to see the Bourne Ultimatum, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Now I be home, bored already but pretty tired from my day of luxury :P Night!

*edit* then we went to walmart at like 1:30 in the morning and had crazy delirious tired fun.

So today was one of those days where I actually did something worth talking about for my memory later. I haven't posted much in this journal, but perhaps that will change. Warning: it is a VERY long cut, mostly boring details I just want to have later cuz I have a terrible memory. But if you want to read my ramblings about my day, etc...by all means click away! :)

( Anyway, I went to bed at 6am, woke up at 6:45, called sporkgirl to wake her ass up and make her drive back to Seattle, got up again at 10am, get on irc... )

mood: indescribable

Warning: Rant to follow

I don't get it, I feel like I interview well enough, and yet I can't get a fucking good job to save my life. Is it just because I'm fat, my mom would say yes. But how can that be true, are people really that shallow? I'm not going for jobs that have me interacting with customers, these are office jobs, sitting at a desk. I'm intelligent and work hard, so wtf. So frustrated, I feel like just taking jobs that are way too easy for me, like the one i'm in, because that's all I can get. But I desperately need more money...I guess this is just one more motivation to lose weight, as if I needed more, but apparently none of my current motivations are enough. Blahh!

Well my dad and his sister and I ended up going to Bainbridge island for a day trip. We had lunch in poulsbo and then drove up through port ludlow and back to the kingston ferry to edmonds. It was pretty fun, I haven't seen this aunt in nearly 10 years. It was nice also that my dad took a day off from work to spend time with her. He works sooooo much i'm afraid he's gunna go capoot. Although he did have one work snag with people calling him while we were on the ferries and such, he seemed to still have a decent time.

I'm getting really nervous about school, it's just so damn big! Ham finally gets to register on Monday, so that will be handy knowing when he will be at school and such. Tomorrow we are going to a husky game and sitting in the student section. This is the second game of the season, but the first one that we have been able to go to as we were out of town when the first one took place. I've only been to a couple husky games in the past when Ham's parents weren't able to use their season tickets, but sitting in the student section should be fun.

Last night we were talking about like long term life plans and such with my parents and I'm beginning to feel like I will end up having to make adjustments to get to do everything I want to do. I have always kind of thought that I would get married around 25..first kid around 27..second kid at around 29 and then I would be done. Well..If I do end up trying to go for the pharmacy program..that will be another 6 years of school..which leaves me at 28 right there. Then I have this very strong desire to travel the world before I settle down and try to buy a house or anything. So I was thinking I need to work for a least a year and save as much as I can to travel for 6 months or a year. So now I'm sitting at around 30...hmm.

I know that I'm young (22) and things will happen as they do so there isn't really that much need to look so far ahead, the only reason I'm looking at it is because I have upcoming decisions to make about what route in my schooling to persue. Anywhoo...i'm just rambling mostly, I'm sure that everything will turn out as it is meant to.

mood: pensive

Well I'm off to volunteer today, i'm starting to get the hang of this bus thing again. Since I got my UPass its much easier not having to have money when I want to take the bus. Ham and I need to take the bus down to the U to figure out what the best way to get there is from our house. Also, he needs to get his husky card before friday so that we can go to the husky game on saturday afternoon. We already missed the first game because we were out of town, and he can't get his tickets without his student ID...so hopefully we'll get it done so we don't miss another game.

Anywhoo..I've been thinking some about old friends lately and wanting to know where they are in their lives now..maybe i'll have to start doing a little research.

mood: curious

So I'm finally trying to get organized in this new apartment. After cleaning, it's time to start finding proper homes for things that seem to have no place. Ham's aunt and uncle gave us a filing cabinet so now I have all of our papers that I had currently stored in an accordian folder in piles on the floor ready to file. It kinda makes me feel good to be organized because I feel like I know what's going on and stuff.

I'm volunteering at the Seattle Needle Exchange now and I'm really enjoying it. The people that I volunteer with and the staff are really nice and it's a new experience. There is some debate over whether a Needle Exchange is a good idea. I won't give any information about it, so as not to bias people, but let me know what you think about the idea of a Needle Exchange program.

Got all my school books for the quarter, it's really sad to see what $520 looks like..heh. Only two more weeks before school. While I enjoy not having to do anything really, it does get boring, and school will be a welcome change. It will make me get out of the house and do something every day. I've been trying to do that, and usually I do. But sometimes it's easy to just veg out and not do much.

My mom is investigating the possibilities of part time work for me and Ham at her company this week, that would be a very ideal situation..so cross your fingers for us! :)
Anyway, off to get dressed because someone is coming over so Ham can help him with his computer.

mood: Organized

We are almost done cleaning the apartment..i must say we've been quite productive. Everything is done except a little bit in the kitchen..and our bedroom. It always feels so much better when the house is clean, it's just so easy to let the mess get out of control!

Hopefully we'll keep it this way for a little while at least *crosses fingers*

Off to SeaTac...

mood: productive

So..i'm going to try to start updating more on here, but we'll see how it goes.

I start school on the 29th and i'm getting nervous. UW campus is sooooo much bigger than BCC and it's intimidating. I'm really excited and everything, it's just a bit scary. I'm sure I'll be fine after my first day of classes. I'm all registered and I've ordered my books, so everything should be in order. Hamilton doesn't get to register till the 20th...hopefully he'll get into the classes he needs. I'm taking Chemistry, Calculus and Japanese this quarter. I'm counting on my friend Saiko to tutor me in Japanese so that should make it easier. And I have Ham as a Calculus tutor.

In other news, we're picking up Ham's parents from the airport today where they are coming home from New Zealand. I would love to go there someday, Australia too. I have this tremendous desire to travel and see the world. Ham doesn't get as excited about it as I do, but he's willing to travel with me. I want to go to Italy next, then back to Ireland for sure. I would love to go to Tokyo with Saiko when we graduate, I think that's a city that would be much easier to travel in if you have someone with you that is from there.

We just got back from our roadtrip that started with a family reunion for Ham's family. Next year they're planning on going on a 7 day cruise to Mexico for the reunion..that sounds awesome! I've never been on a cruise, but would love to go.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to pursue in school..hopefully I'll figure it out soon, because I have to declare a major within the next quarter or two and start working towards it. I know that I want to be in Health Care in some way, but I'm just not sure what type of work fits me best, and what I can make a career out of. I'm sure it will all work out eventually.

Anyway, back to cleaning...

So I'm on a road trip of sorts. It started out as a family reunion on the Oregon coast. Then we decided to continue on to Sacramento to visit some old friends of mine from my home town who are having a hard time. Then we thought, what the heck, lets go to SanFran. I have lots of family in the bay area so that is where we are now, in Walnut Creek, CA and trying to figure out where to go next.

So...we can go on south to Monterey and stay with more of my family. Hamilton has never seen that area and I think he would really dig it. It's beautiful and the aquarium is one of a kind.

We had kind of joked about driving out to Vegas, since we didn't get to spend much time out there last time and we have time still before school gets out. So last night I was looking at hotel deals in vegas and I found a hotel for $4 a night. Now, I'm sure it's not a great hotel, and it's a mile off the strip (but with a shuttle) but how can we turn down $4 a night??? We are poor and would not ordinarily be able to go to Vegas and stay anywhere. We are not gamblers so mostly we would just go to look around at all the cool stuff and drink cheap drinks and so on.

It's an 8 hour drive from here or from Monterey. We weren't sure if we wanted to drive that far, and then have to drive that much further back home to Seattle. So...if anyone is reading this, what do you think? Do we pass up a $4 room in Vegas?

Here's my mission:

* participate in an event that takes you out of your comfort zone, to me this means being visibly different than those around you - not that other experiences are not valid, but for this activity you need to follow this guideline
* students that choose to do an activity focusing on homosexuality or disabilties may not visibly look different, but they will count
* before, during, and after the event assess your own personal biases towards this group and your thoughts after having some interactions with them
* connect the information that we have been learning about race, class, and gender to the experiences of this group of people in the United States
* your thoughts will be recorded in a 2 page, double spaced, reflection paper that you will need to have emailed me by midnight on Friday, July 25th

Ideas for activities that students have done in the past:

-visit predominately African American church
-visit a mosque
-participate in a cultural event (not including dance performances or going out to eat ethnic food - remember the concrete level of culture)
-assist at a homeless sheltor, soup kitchen, etc..
-attend a gay/lesbian club
-participate in event held by deaf community
-attend community meeting regarding issues of racism, classism, or sexism

Many students have chosen to invent their own activities based on investigating their personal biases:
-one student went throughout the day with a gay pride pen on (this was more about her own homophobia and her thinking that everyone thought she was gay and treating her differently)
-a student chose ot make many sack lunches and passed them out in an area of the city that has many people that are homeless
-dressed in tattered clothes and went to Tiffany's and Nordstrom to get an understanding of how our society treats homeless

Come up with a creative activity on your own, paying careful attention to not look at this as an experiment. This activity is attempting to build bridges and fostering understanding amongst diverse groups of people. Be sure to go into the event with an open mind (if you think you will hate it - you will!). Have fun!


and I only have till friday to do it!

Any ideas?! help! :)

I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know where I'm going. I'm just in this place. I have changed so much in the last year and I can't tell if this is the true me or if the old one was and now I'm just trying to change. I don't know. I feel different. Better sometimes, worse sometimes. What if neither me is really me?! blah. Well certain things are definitely cool. I mean, no more drugs, no more promiscuous sex, no more parties where I can't remember what happened, no more debt, no more bills, no more record, in love, loved, committed for the first time. On the other hand, no more friends, except a few new ones, no more late night coffee chats, no more gossip, no more people I look up to, no more crazy adventures, no more road trips, no more fun. I feel like I've tried over the last year to clean up the mess I made, straighten out, get my shit together. And to an extent, I have. But I think somewhere in the process I lost track of who I am, but maybe I never really knew, and that other me was yet another false reality I called the truth. Who knows. I get really nostalgic sometimes. I think of high school, drama, ms lecky, stiqayu, yearbook, having somewhere to go and somewhere to be all the time, even if I never went. Hanging out with jen every second of the day it seemed. Then I think back to the end of high school, justin, ashlee, jen, sharon, a time I felt in love with my life and my friends. I had nothing on my mind except having fun, and I did a ton of it. Then there was kris, for a year and a half he was my best friend. The person in my life that I was the most comfortable around, the person I could trust. I still don't know how we got to the result we got to, but I know that the choices I was making in my life directly affected how that relationship turned out. Some days, I wish I could erase July 27th 2001 forever, and know what I know now and fix the things that needed to be fixed to avoid what happened. But then I think, if I had done that, and things were the same, things would never have gotten to where they are now. I probably wouldn't' have met ham, I wouldn't be in love for the first time, in my first committed relationship. Then I move to james and the people I hung out with during that time, a low time in my life. dealing with not wanting to get a job because of my record thing, going into court almost every week it seemed, letting everything in my life slip out of control. It was an easy place, it was a place of no return I thought. I thought, if I let everything get so bad I can't fix it, I won't have to try to fix it, I guess. and now I haven't heard from james in almost a year and have no idea how to contact him. I hope he's doing well, I wasn't sure what he was going to do last time I saw him. Moving back home, was a slap in the face, it was apparently just what I needed. Then meeting ham, and choosing him over a friend, a decision that hurt me, and hurt her, but I chose me. I chose to put my happiness over anothers. Who's to say if it was a good choice or not, it's caused me a lot of grief, and a lot of joy. I think the joy outweighs the grief. For once in my life, I feel like I have found someone that I could get through anything with, someone I love, someone that loves me. And now, as we have 5 days left in the place we're living, and no money to move, the prospect of him living on the street, brings me back to a place of sadness, I don't know what I can do to help him, I can move back in with my parents, since I never really moved out, but he can't. Not knowing what will happen, what comes next, scares the shit out of me. All will be well though, I've gotten through everything else, and I'm a much stronger person for it now. The seminar's have helped I think, giving me a new way of thinking, a new perspective. The idea that I have chosen everythign that has happened to me in my life, no matter what, is a strong one. It puts me in a place where I must be accountable for every result I have, every person lost, every dollar spent, every minute wasted. and that's good for me. My faith in fate has become even stronger too as I embrace the thought that there are no accidents. Nothing is an accident? is that possible? I think so. Apparent to me now is that everything that has happened this far has been for a reason, so I have no reason to the think that everything in my life from now on will happen for a reason as well..and I will choose what happens to me, good or bad. So I'm not sure where I am..........but I'm there.

so i'm at this place..and it's fun..nice place anyhow..it's called lan werx and it's in bellevue on 112th..if you like internet gaming..come here..and like...give them money..it's pretty cheap too!

went to this kmfdm thing the other night..was...interesting..

so apparently my name is black...how goth..teehee

tonguegrl

I'm going to see `NSYNC!!!!!!!!!! w00t

*giggle*

as much as the idea of a friend test intrigues me..i think i'm worried that i will be disappointed..hehe

like..ppl i THOUGHT knew me really well..would score really low..and then i'd be like..wtf! :P

just as i think about him..he appears.

that sucked...like talking to a brick wall.

*cry some more*
i'm a wuss